I spent my weekend in my hometown (Santa Cruz, CA). Flying up, I was excited yet had butterflies in my stomach. I was nervous, and I am not sure why. Maybe I was scared of running into people I didn’t want to see, or to see the people I actually wanted to. It was a weird sensation and an uncomfortable plane ride- and not because my legs are too long for the seats.
I was picked up by my oldest and kindest friend. She is more like a sister to me. I calmed down. We drove the 45 minutes from the airport to meet up with our best friends from high school. When we did, it was instant laughter and it felt like I never left. I think I might even have an ab from how hard I laughed-just one though ‘cus they aren’t six pack funny 😉
We proceeded to The Crow’s Nest Beach Party, a staple night for locals during the summer and where I spent my better years. This included spilled chili, beer in my hair, a free burger, and many, many familiar faces.
Anyway, it appeared that me being nervous was a fluke, a bad meal for lunch maybe.
But then Saturday hit. After a beautiful, enthralling, and exciting boat ride on the San Francisco Bay, I met up with friends for a BBQ. This was the first time I felt like I didn’t really belong, even with these people who have known me forever.
We are all just at very different places in our lives, and I have been away so long, it was the first time I realized they all had lives without me. And that was okay.
They were all living with boyfriends, where I just moved out from living with mine. They all were transitioning from one job to another to pave a career path for themselves, and I have had a career job for almost a year. It was as if we were all on different pages. And then they all started to get high, I saw myself out.
Not that I am against token up- I myself have dabbled, but it was a moment I realized that maybe the only thing we all have in common these days are the memories we made years and years ago.
With friends across the country or who haven’t left the comfort of our hometown, I have come to notice that my life will go in a different direction than theirs, but the friendships we share now are ones that will last-whether we have any common interests or not. We’ve been through too much to not be in each other’s futures.
Also, they know too much.